Halloween Experts

Here is a tale, as told to me by my sainted Irish mother, when I was but a wee lass. This story happened so long ago, that it could begin, “Once upon a time,” but, since there is no “happily ever after”, we will just begin with…

Long ago, in Ireland, there lived a man named Jack. He was a gambler and a drunkard, and made his way through life by lying, cheating, and stealing what he needed. He was never kind, nor helpful to anyone, but took whatever he needed from whoever had it. It happened, one dark night, that Jack was sitting on a stool in the local public house, when he noticed that the Devil was seated on the stool next to him. Jack did not seem particularly surprised to see the Devil, and said to him, “Is it my soul you’ve come for, then?” The Devil smiled and agreed that was his very purpose for being there. Jack did not argue, and in fact, said, “Before we go, won’t you join me in one last drink.” The Devil agreed, but, as was usually the case, Jack didn’t have the coin to pay for his pint. He convinced the Devil, mighty being that he was, to turn himself into a coin with which to pay the bar tab. As soon as the Devil transformed, Jack grabbed him up and put him in his coin purse, which was embroidered with a Cross. The Devil could not change back. He snarled and shouted and threatened Jack with all manner of horrible things, but Jack just laughed at him. “Give me another ten years, and I’ll let you out,” says he. The Devil, knowing he was beaten, offered five years, and they settled on seven. Jack released the Devil, who, true to his word, left Jack alone for the next seven years.

As the time approached for his next encounter with the Devil, Jack plotted and planned for a way to get around his bargain. He decided that, if he took to the road, perhaps the Devil would not find him. On the first day of the eighth year, Jack was feeling pretty lucky, and walked down the road, whistling. He came to an apple orchard, behind a low stone fence. Jack realized that he was very hungry and tried to climb the nearest tree to reach the fruit. He slid back down the smooth bark before he was near enough to grab an apple. Jack sat on the stone fence to ponder the situation, when he noticed that the Devil was seated beside him. “Well, Devil, you’ve found me, and I’m ready to keep me bargain,” said Jack. “Could you do me one last kindness, and climb that tree and pick me an apple, for the journey to Hell.” The Devil agreed, and climbed up to get the fruit. Jack quickly pulled out his knife and carved a cross on the trunk of the tree, trapping the Devil in it’s branches. The Devil howled in frustration and threatened Jack with all manner of horrors. Jack laughed, and offered him yet another bargain. If the Devil would promise never to take Jack’s soul, he would let him out of the tree. After much raging and cursing, the Devil agreed, and Jack covered the cross to set the Devil free.

A few years of wickedness later, Jack died while stealing turnips from his cousin‘s garden patch. He stood at the Pearly Gates, feeling very smug that he had tricked and cheated his way into Heaven. St. Peter looked at Jack with disdain and slammed the gates shut in his face, saying “You are not welcome here, Stingy Jack!” With that, Jack felt himself falling through space. He landed hard, in the darkness, before the gates of Hell. The Devil met him there, and, laughing, slammed the gates closed before him. “You can’t come in here, Jack.” “Where shall I go, then?” asked a terrified Jack, who had not foreseen such an outcome. “Back where you came from, Jack.” snorted the Devil. “But it’s so dark,” whined Jack, “At least give me light to see the path.” The Devil grabbed up a glowing coal from the fires of Hell and tossed it over the gate. Jack couldn’t carry it in his bare hands. He still held the turnips he had been stealing when he died, and so, taking his knife, he hollowed out a turnip to carry the glowing coal, like a lantern. Even now, Jack wanders the hills and roads of Ireland, looking for a place to rest. His last name has been lost in time, now, but we call him Jack O’Lantern.