Halloween Experts

If Halloween is the night that the dead walk the earth, then what better place to visit than a graveyard? Since many spooky cemeteries spring up on the lawns of the living during this eerie time of year, we have gathered some actual epitaphs, poems and prose, from real tombstones. You might find inspiration here for making your own entertaining headstones for your Halloween decorating.

“Here lies an honest lawyer, And that is Strange.”
- Tombstone of Sir John Strange, in England

“I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
- From the headstone of Sir Winston Churchill

“Stranger ! Approach this spot with gravity! John Brown is filling his last cavity.”
- on the headstone of a dentist in England

“She did it the hard way.”
- from the tombstone of actress Bette Davis

“That’s All, Folks!”
- from the headstone of Mel Blanc, voice of Bugs Bunny, Porky Pig, Elmer Fudd, et al.

“All in all, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.”
- epitaph that W. C. Fields, actor & comedian, proposed for his headstone.

“I TOLD you I was sick!”
- from the tombstone of a well known hypochondriac, Key West, FL

“Here lies the body of Emily White. She signaled left, and then turned right.”

“Here lies Groucho Marx
and Lies and Lies and Lies
P.S. He never kissed an ugly girl”

“John Edwards who perished in a fire
None could hold a candle to him.”

“Here lies Lester Moore.
Four slugs
From a forty-four.
No Les
No More.”
- found on a old headstone in a western cemetery

“Returned – Unopened”
- on the headstone of a spinster postmistress in North Carolina

“Owen Moore
Gone away
Owin’ more
Than he could pay.”
- a tombstone in Battersea, England

“She always said her feet were killing her
but nobody believed her.”

“Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.”

“Here lies John Timothy Snow,
Who died fighting for a
Lady’s honor
(She wanted to keep it).”
-headstone in Tombstone, Arizona

“Well, I’ve played everything but a harp.”
- from the headstone of actor Lionel Barrymore

“Involved in a plot.”
- from the tomb of poet and satirist Dorothy Parker