Halloween Experts » Halloween Humor

All Time Scariest Movies

Annie — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 13:20:43 +0000

If your idea of the perfect Halloween is to curl up on the couch, in the dark, with a bowl of popcorn and someone to scream with, then you are going to need a list of the scariest movies of all time. I just happen to have such a list. You may agree or disagree on the scariness factor, but all the movies on the list are certifiably creepy. Here are my top 5 scary Halloween movies, in no particular order:

“Halloween” (1978) – Jamie Lee Curtis establishes herself as the scream to be reckoned with! Honestly, who would have guessed that an old William Shatner/Captain Kirk mask, painted white, could inspire more horror than his rendition of “Mr. Tambourine Man”?

“The Exorcist” (1973) – The movie that made me stay out of my attic for a year and throw away my recipe for pea soup. Demonic possession is one of those subjects that can inspire ongoing trauma. Just look at Linda Blair’s career! (It will make your head spin!)

“Dawn of the Dead” (1978) – Banned in 17 countries, this film has some of the goriest scenes ever committed to film. If that isn’t recommendation enough, then, let me just say..”ZOMBIES!” Still not scary enough? This movie is…. (dun, dun, dun) a SEQUEL!!!!!

“Invasion of the Body Snatchers” (1978) – Much creepier than the 1956 original, this movie made the term “Pod People” a part of Americana. And honestly…any movie that makes Donald Sutherland look like this picture gets my vote for seriously creepy!

“The Thing” (1982) – Possibly the scariest movie of all time. This movie combines the absolute worst possible scenarios: a small group stationed in Antarctica (really…where are you going to run?), being stalked by a shape-shifting alien, and knowing that one of your buddies has to be that alien.

So, pick out your movie. Pop the corn. Grab a friend. Buy a nightlight. Enjoy!

Halloween Groaners!

Annie — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 14:43:50 +0000

We are sure you will find a creative way to use the following Halloween riddles, but here is an idea for a great party ice breaker. Print them out and cut the sheet into strips, separating the question from the answer. Put all of the questions in one bowl, and all of the answers in another. Have each guest choose one strip from either one bowl or the other, but instruct them not to look at it until you give the signal. Once all the guests have arrived and all Questions and Answers have been distributed, give them 5 minutes to either find the Answer to their Question, or the Question to their Answer. They may read their strips aloud to get another guest to respond to them. This makes for a noisy, but fun way for guests to mingle and meet each other.

Here are the riddles:

Q: Who won the skeleton beauty contest?
A: No body

Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?
A: Pumpkin Pi.

Q: Why was the mummy so tense?
A: He was all wound up.

Q: How do you make a witch stew?
A: Keep her waiting for hours.

Q: Where do ghosts go on vacation?
A: Lake Erie.

Q: How do ghosts begin their letters?
A: “Tomb it may concern…”

Q: What did the skeleton say while riding his Harley Davidson motorcycle?
A: “I’m bone to be wild!”

Q: What happened to the guy who couldn’t keep up payments to his exorcist?
A: He was repossessed.

Q: How do you mend a broken Jack-o-lantern?
A: With a pumpkin patch.

Q: What kind of street does a ghost like best?
A: A dead end.

Q: How do you know if a ghost is lying?
A: You can see right through him.

Q: How is a werewolf like a computer?
A: They both have megabytes.

Q: What do you get when you cross Dracula with Sleeping Beauty?
A: Tired blood

Q: Who did the ghost invite to his party?
A: Anyone he could dig up!

Grave Expectations

Annie — Fri, 11 Jun 2010 20:43:05 +0000

If Halloween is the night that the dead walk the earth, then what better place to visit than a graveyard? Since many spooky cemeteries spring up on the lawns of the living during this eerie time of year, we have gathered some actual epitaphs, poems and prose, from real tombstones. You might find inspiration here for making your own entertaining headstones for your Halloween decorating.

“Here lies an honest lawyer, And that is Strange.”
- Tombstone of Sir John Strange, in England

“I am ready to meet my Maker. Whether my Maker is prepared for the great ordeal of meeting me is another matter.
- From the headstone of Sir Winston Churchill

“Stranger ! Approach this spot with gravity! John Brown is filling his last cavity.”
- on the headstone of a dentist in England

“She did it the hard way.”
- from the tombstone of actress Bette Davis

“That’s All, Folks!”
- from the headstone of Mel Blanc, voice of Bugs Bunny, Porky Pig, Elmer Fudd, et al.

“All in all, I’d rather be in Philadelphia.”
- epitaph that W. C. Fields, actor & comedian, proposed for his headstone.

“I TOLD you I was sick!”
- from the tombstone of a well known hypochondriac, Key West, FL

“Here lies the body of Emily White. She signaled left, and then turned right.”

“Here lies Groucho Marx
and Lies and Lies and Lies
P.S. He never kissed an ugly girl”

“John Edwards who perished in a fire
None could hold a candle to him.”

“Here lies Lester Moore.
Four slugs
From a forty-four.
No Les
No More.”
- found on a old headstone in a western cemetery

“Returned – Unopened”
- on the headstone of a spinster postmistress in North Carolina

“Owen Moore
Gone away
Owin’ more
Than he could pay.”
- a tombstone in Battersea, England

“She always said her feet were killing her
but nobody believed her.”

“Here lies an Atheist
All dressed up
And no place to go.”

“Here lies John Timothy Snow,
Who died fighting for a
Lady’s honor
(She wanted to keep it).”
-headstone in Tombstone, Arizona

“Well, I’ve played everything but a harp.”
- from the headstone of actor Lionel Barrymore

“Involved in a plot.”
- from the tomb of poet and satirist Dorothy Parker